Phenimore (phenimore) wrote in papersavers,

Five Days Later -- 305w

In five days everything would be different. Rebecca sat with her back against the bare wall of her old apartment thinking through the final list of preparations. The boxes were ready; the letters to friends and relatives, the few who stood by her, were in a neat stack on the kitchen counter; the last book of photos and memories was ready to burn, that would happen tonight; and his last few pieces of clothing, those she still didn't know what to do with. She picked up a shirt and dropped it again, brought her knees up to her sore chest and hugged them in her loose and heavy arms.
The weight gain had begun months ago, and she'd hoped then that it would also go away later. Everything was later. Exercise, clothes, a rich, understanding boyfriend, a hit script, a new life -- freedom -- all later. The words 'later and freedom' were married in her mind. Always then, never now. The only thing she could be sure of now was tears. She blamed her hormones, her family, herself, him, and anything else. She hated the echoes of her sniffling in the empty room. Even the tears would stop, later. Five days left, one last visit to the doctor, and a new life. She would start over, without him, without anyone but herself. The idea of getting to know herself settled the tears, she thought this was good, but it only made her feel as empty as the apartment she sat in. So empty that no tears would came. Five days left until the last surgery. Five days until freedom. Five days until he would be gone. Her heart echoed in the empty room. Freedom. Just five days left. This was the first time she realized she might miss him. Might miss being him. Later.
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